“Are you at the hair salon?” my mother texted me while I was treating myself on a Monday afternoon off.
“Yes, why?” I replied. I knew something had happened, across the country in Victoria B.C., she always seems to know city events before I do.
“Look at Toronto news”
With foils in my hair half done, I Google on my phone and this exact headline appears:
“Bodies all over Yonge Street”.
My heart stops.
For those who don’t know, Yonge Street runs all the way through downtown north south, and is the cross street of the biggest tourist area in the city. Our little ‘Times Square’ which probably comes up when you Google Toronto as a tourist location.
What went through my mind, and a lot of minds of us here in Toronto and across the country was: Is there any reason any of my loved ones would be on Yonge Street? Where is my partner? Is he home? Could he have gone out that way for any reason? And then texts started coming in, family checking in, friends who live in other cities asking what was happening. But at this time, I barely even knew.
What do you mean ‘Bodies all over Yonge Street’? I tell the woman doing my hair that something’s happened in the city, and read through as many articles as I can find. A man drove a white vehicle crashing into people around 1:10pm on Monday afternoon on Yonge Street in North York, just north of downtown Toronto.
The second thought that came was, am I in danger? Are we in danger? Do I rush home? The words ‘act of terror’ appear in headlines. It’s confusing, disorienting, shocking, even ridiculous sounding.
Bodies all over Yonge Street?
And then you think, maybe it’s a mistake, maybe it’s nothing; We live in a safe country, don’t we?
It wasn’t ‘nothing’. A vehicle was used as a weapon to run down people enjoying one of our first warm, sunny days in months. The people of our city had just made it out of winter, set up patios, and were able to go for walks on lunch breaks again. There was a burst of energy back into the city after months and months of a cold Canadian winter. And then the unthinkable happens. Ten dead, multiple injured. No names are released that evening, and people are asked to head home if possible.
The CN tower goes dark to pay respect to the victims of the tragedy. The Toronto Maple Leafs at the start of their playoff game hold a moment of silence. A Blue Jay’s pitcher Tweets his thoughts and prayers. A hashtag ‘TorontoStrong’ appears on twitter. A cartoon of a person wearing a Toronto jersey sitting next to a Humbolt jersey on a bench holding each other circulates the Internet and is powerful enough to bring any of us to tears. There are still hockey sticks on porches from a recent tragedy here in Canada involving a young hockey team.
I curled up in a ball on my bed and text chit chat with my mother who’s all the way across the country and who without a doubt had a scare of her lifetime as well. That the city her daughter so proudly lives in had endured an attack. I cry from confusion and scare, empathy and sadness for those who knew the victims. I feel almost a sense of guilt for feeling heartbroken, when I didn’t personally know the victims. I pray for the mothers and fathers, daughters and sons, grandparents, partners, family members and friends who knew those involved in the attack. I hug my partner a bit longer that evening.
What are we to feel at this time? Grief? Pride? Seeing posts of ‘nothing can break us! #torontostrong’ to ‘thoughts and prayers go out to everyone in Toronto’. I guess we’re all feeling a bit of everything. Two opposing notions at the same time, grief and pride. Grieving for the lives lost yesterday, and pride for our city we love so much, and we call home. We wear t-shirts that say ‘Toronto Is Home’, 40,000 of us a go to baseball games together on any given night. I have never felt a community like I have living here in Toronto.
Today after the events, it’s quiet in the city. I hop on a streetcar home from a studio session downtown. I gaze at the CN tower on this grey day waiting for the rain to start. I go buy unnecessary lipstick and eggs at Shoppers Drug Mart because I felt like being around the people of Toronto. I head home on the crammed 504 and people-watch to see if the city has changed. If we’ve changed. A man scratches a ‘Bingo Doubler’ with a USB stick. I hope he gets some luck. A woman wipes her tears with a tissue, sitting quietly looking out the window. It’s so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
You feel a difference today.
Toronto will stand together strong, in our grief and our pride. People will watch the Leafs in the playoffs, or head to a Blue Jays game tonight. Some put on porch lights as a symbolic movement. I light a candle and leave it by the window at my home. And for those who were affected by this attack, we can all do our best to offer comfort, empathy, and kindness at this time. Space. Time. Money. Whatever they need, we’ll do that for them. That’s the community we are here. We absolutely are Toronto Strong.
Featured image via Pixabay
About The Guest Author
Amy Kirkpatrick graduated from the University of Victoria with a Bachelor of Fine Arts majoring in Theatre. Based out of Toronto, Amy currently runs a songwriting business, as well as writes for major labels across the world. She also works as a volunteer youth worker running a karaoke program at a local downtown shelter. Check out Amy’s blog, Three Cocktails, for more!
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