WTF Shapewear: Underwear With A Built-In Penis

Baby, we know it’s cold outside, and for all the dudes out there, that can lead to some unenviable shrinkage (yep, we just said shrinkage before noon). Until now, this winter weather meant winter willies, which, as we all know, means your package isn’t exactly heavy freight material. Enter 2011: The plague of the last decade will hurt us no more, thanks to designer Andrew Christian, who humbly describes himself as “uber-trendy.” You might (or, more probable, might not), remember Christian from such high-quality programming as The Janice Dickinson Project and The Fashion Show, and now he’s destined for even more fame with his latest offering: The Shock Jock Flirt Boxer and Brief. These revolutionary new skivvies feature a soft hidden cup, sculpted into a penis shape (available in black or white models!), that adds around 2 inches to guy’s frontal measurement. “Guys want underwear that looks natural, feels great and makes them feel confident,” says Christian. Right. Bonus points for the extra wide metallic silver-colored sports elastic waistband and contrast stripes down the sides…just because. Unless you’re sporting incredibly tight jeggings or thermal underwear, we’re not sure just why you’d whip (hehe) your credit card out, but we’d love to be a fly on the wall when your pants actually come off. It’s kind of like the male equivalent of chicken cutlets. “Oh that? That’s just my anatomically correct cup!” Article by Refinery 29, referred by Lauren Johnson * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I don’t even know what to say. Lauren said I would laugh when I saw this – I definitely did. But it’s also a bit sad. Is this really what it’s come down to – dudes putting fake penises in their underwear? I don’t think this would make me feel confident if I were a man, honestly. Of course women have been doing this kind of stuff forever – almost every bra has some crazy amount of padding in it and we have hundreds of garments to push up, suck in, smooth out and even add to our bodies. To see men join this trend is interesting – it signals that there definitely is mounting pressure being put on men by the media – and every body part is under attack. The products become increasingly more ridiculous than the last – whatever happened to the tame Spanx for Men and Bodymax underwear?! (Sigh) What has been seen cannot be unseen…

About The Author

Patricia Colli, Editor of Beutiful Magazine, is a human rights activist, equality advocate, and promoter of health, acceptance and wellbeing. Having experienced disordered eating, unhealthy exercise patterns and poor body image, she is especially passionate about shedding light on eating disorders and the power of body acceptance.